The incredible elasticity of time
Anybody who thinks time is fixed and linear needs a clonk on the head. Let me tell you something; time is more elastic than my drawers. Time can be stretched at will. Ask any doctor, dentist, radiologist or OB/GYN. These guys have the secret to fitting 5 or 6 patients into every hour, and still give them appointments in 15 minute increments.
That’s how I managed to turn up at 2:01 for a 2:00 p.m. mammogram, which is supposed to take, maybe 10 minutes, and left at 4:30. I was greeted by a waiting room full of other people, who obviously had also been given 2 o’clock appointments in another dimension of time. Then the technicians gaily surfed the great wormholes in time and serviced us all, simultaneously. Because, God forbid they confine themselves to this plane of existence and only schedule 4 15-minute appointments in one hour, and miss out of all that wasted income.
I swear to you, “Appointments 101 – How to Fill Your Waiting Room Beyond all Reasonable Levels of Practicality” is a compulsory course in Med school. It’s strictly a Pass/Fail course and you need it to get your degree.
As for time’s ability to contract, how else do you explain how I wake up around 5 a.m., breastfeed, pack school bag, lunches, blah blah blah, shower, dress, get two toddlers dressed, skate out of the house like a mad cow, only to realize that although physically I have only lived through about 35 minutes of real time, the clock has leaped ahead almost 4 hours and I am heinously late for work?
How else do you explain the fact that, just a few weeks ago, I was holding a pale, scrawny, docile newborn in my arms, and the next moment I am trying to keep a boisterous, talkative, demanding one year old from hurling herself down the stairs?
Einstein, please, a little help?
That’s how I managed to turn up at 2:01 for a 2:00 p.m. mammogram, which is supposed to take, maybe 10 minutes, and left at 4:30. I was greeted by a waiting room full of other people, who obviously had also been given 2 o’clock appointments in another dimension of time. Then the technicians gaily surfed the great wormholes in time and serviced us all, simultaneously. Because, God forbid they confine themselves to this plane of existence and only schedule 4 15-minute appointments in one hour, and miss out of all that wasted income.
I swear to you, “Appointments 101 – How to Fill Your Waiting Room Beyond all Reasonable Levels of Practicality” is a compulsory course in Med school. It’s strictly a Pass/Fail course and you need it to get your degree.
As for time’s ability to contract, how else do you explain how I wake up around 5 a.m., breastfeed, pack school bag, lunches, blah blah blah, shower, dress, get two toddlers dressed, skate out of the house like a mad cow, only to realize that although physically I have only lived through about 35 minutes of real time, the clock has leaped ahead almost 4 hours and I am heinously late for work?
How else do you explain the fact that, just a few weeks ago, I was holding a pale, scrawny, docile newborn in my arms, and the next moment I am trying to keep a boisterous, talkative, demanding one year old from hurling herself down the stairs?
Einstein, please, a little help?
posted by Roslyn | 1:04 PM
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